In "light" of the Mossad and IDF Intelligence's operation "Beeping our love" I wish to remind everyone of the infamous story of:
"The sad Story of Achmed the Dead Terrorist"
Achmed had been brought up to believe the wonderful stories his Iman preached about martyrdom against the infidels.
The stories of sexual pleasure from the 72 promised "dewey eyed" beautiful naked virgins aroused him to no end that he even neglected his favorite goat.
So our proud Arab Moslem volunteered to murder the Jews in Israel by joining Hezbollah.
One day while enjoying himself, after a "hard" day in the tunnels with the new Iranian missiles that had just arrived his new beeper "beebed" ....
When he awoke after the explosion and walked towards the light with a smile. The dreams that his Iman had told him of the sexy 72 naked virgins awaiting his every wish in heaven danced in his head and gave him a rock hard hardon.
As he walked the path marked; "This way to heaven", he could see in the distance the area of Heaven surrounded by a high gilded fence.
As he approached his sexual arousal and excitement intensified with each step as he drew nearer.
As he came closer he noticed that the gilded gates of Heaven were being guarded by Infidels in dress blue uniforms! US Marines!
Going towards the Gilded Gates he saw a reception desk and two signs: "Jews", manned by Moses and "Christians", manned by Saint Peter.
As Achmed the dead terrorist approached he saw Moses and Saint Peter talking amicably.
Our terrorist became extremely agitated and screamed in a tone of demand; "Where is the receptionist for Moslems!?"
"Moses paused in his discussion with Saint Peter and replied sarcastically, "Ah Islamic reception?
"Yes!" Replied our over eager suicide bomber, in ecstasy of meeting his virgins.
Saint Peter raised his hand and motioned to two burly members of the Marine Honor Guard at Heavens Gate who walked over and promptly grabbed the startled terrorist.
Before Achmed could respond, the Marine had promptly pulled out his Kabar knife and over the screams and protests of the terrorist castrated him in one fell stroke!
They than escorted the terrorist to the edge of the area of heaven where they proceeded to kick him into a high plunging arch ever downward to the burning vats of pig fat and manure in Hell, where a sign - in Arabic of course - welcomed him.
As he resurfaced and wiped the vulgar stinking slime from his face he struggled to keep his head above the reeking vat of burning pig fat and manure, he cried out in protest;
“Where is our Holy Prophet Mohammed?” “And my 72 Virgins I was promised!"
A voice with a deep Southern accent over the intercom calmly replied;
"As for your Holy Prophet Mohammed you're standing on his head.”
“As for those virgins they are here with us in the USO bar in Heaven entertaining us Marines.”
“But, but he stammered in protest!”
Our Iman promised me 72 Virgins and an eternity of pleasure!”
In the background Achmed could hear the sound of snickers and laughter.
"Why sugar, that is why we castrated you since you won’t need your pathetic iddy bitty thingy where you are!”
“Didn’t anyone teach you there aren’t any virgins in hell!”
Suddenly Achmed heard some chomping and a terrible blood curdling scream!
What was that he cried!
Oh that's nothing but the hogs in Hell squealing in joy over their meal of the parts of a Palestinian "Shahid" Martyr that just arrived! SUUUUEEEEE!!
“Now ya’ll go on and have a nice eternity, ya hear."
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