What is on MY mind? The famous quote:
“In peace, children inter their parents; war violates the
order of nature and causes parents to inter their children.” Herodotus, (484 BC
- 430 BC) in the book, ‘The Histories of Herodotus’
I ask; "Why is it that those who have never experienced war
-the so-called "armchair generals", are ALWAYS the most vocal with bovine excrement?
It is nearly 3AM on a Friday Shabbes night.
I am scrolling through Facebook and Twitter. I would play
one of my computer games -because I am so sick and tired of the
"news" but my eyes hurt.
When I try to close my eyes, my mind is racing...my personal
version of "Netflix"
I do not want to go to sleep now because with the darkness sometimes the memories and "dreams" come.
I await exhaustion.
I turn off the computer. The blinds of the windows are shut
in my room.
I live in darkness.
The stillness and total silence surrounds me. In my mind I hear the opening lyrics of the 1964 hit song by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel-
"Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence"
I sit
motionless in my chair too tired to get up, all alone.
I am Kafka's Gregor Samsa ....
Silence surrounds me, but my ears have "that" high
pitched ringing sound.
I try to close it out ...but the movie begins... the sounds,
the smells the odors, the dampness of the blood is there and their agonized
faces lurk there. Welcome to PTSD.
I am a survivor.
I am a combat veteran.
I can tell you from actual combat experience do not believe
the "stolen glory" stories.
For war is truly hell.
For years many Israeli's like me who served mandatory service in the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) and for years in reserves. You would once a year put on your uniform and leave your job and wife abd children and go to serve in the
IDF where needed.
I do not know of anyone who sought "glory". We went because it is our duty and in some ways it was a yearly "vacation" with comrades that you had served with and gotten to be like brothers to over the years.
We had to "don" our uniforms simply because our
"neighbors" refuse to accept us.
I always remembered the motto of the
LAPD from the TV Series "Dragnet"; "To Protect and to
Serve"
For "US" in Israel we served sometimes in sight of
home or "home" was just over the ridge. As Golda Meir so rightly stated:
"We Jews have a secret weapon in our struggle with the
Arabs; we have no place to go."
When I was in Lebanon fighting the Palestinians, in all the
"alphabet" versions.
I fought alongside the Lebanese-Moslem and Christian, who
also did not want them. (and still don't today!)
In one of my first "REAL" experiences near Tebnine
in 1978 the soldiers of Major Saad Hadad were there fighting alongside us,
"Phanlagout" -as the Maronite Christian force were called and even
"Shi'ite Amal".
As a combat medic I treated one and all. One pertinent thing
about real war is that you never forget the smell /stench of death.
The instant of the IED blast being thrown in the air hitting
the ground the ringing and pain in the ears. You lie there.
A voice inside you cries out, "MOVE!" "Get up!"
The other voice in the back of your mind says stay. Your
head is heavy, your body aches slowly your eyes focus and make contact. You see
the scene destruction, fire and bodies....I now try to forget ...
In a few more days we in Israel will have our Memorial Day
in memory of ALL those who made the "ultimate sacrifice". I can tell
you that none of them wanted to die. It is the faces of surprise of a sudden
death of those you run to and force yourself to bypass to assist the living that
stand out most...As the one who holds them and frantically attempts to deal
with their wounds to staunch the life's blood, as you vainly try to save them and the crackle
of bullets wiz by like some angry hornets the "whoosh" of the RPG
....your mind races you try to think did I place the tourniquet tight
enough.... I don't have the time nor the tools to find the torn vein or artery,
to stem the blood flow. I do what I can and move to the next...the cries for
momma, the wife, the cursing.
Each year as I stand in the cemetery next to his grave on
Memorial Day. Next to my "little brother" David Sklar z"l... I
close my eyes as the siren sounds, I see him in as if in an old home 8mm movie
of old ... we -the old Anglo-Saxon Immigrant gang are playing softball and
having fun. I smile as I see him.
My love for him brings sadness and tears for I will never
forget him.
He was "just 19". Skinny with bad eyes -weak too.
David had worked hard to get into the Armor corps his commander told me that he
saw David's heart was there but he regretfully was not Armor Corp material and
he was having him transferred to a desk office job but the "First
War" in Lebanon had begun and his transfer had to wait.
I can remember David sitting on our couch in our new
apartment home on leave in May of 1982 so proud in his new uniform bouncing our son
David on his knee. As he sat there with that gangly look and smile, I had
counselled David and told him in time of war and in a conflict zone "Don't
take chances!" wear your armor body vest and helmet.
It was a hot July morning in Southern Beirut. There was a
lull in the fighting. His tank was parked to guard a road block. He eagerly
volunteered to be in "communication" -to listen to the radio chatter
and he sat outside of the hot tank on the front near his driver seat. The
Palestinian Alphabets had rained down mortar fire all day and all night. Evidently,
they had to resupply and had quit firing for several hours so the soldiers
began to relax.
It was hot and very humid the soldiers became too lax they
opened or removed their old heavy Viet Nam War vintage surplus -read US AID -
body Armor vests.... they heard the thump David wearing the VRC helmet of the
communications didn't. The long piece of shrapnel from the 122 Soviet made
mortar round pierced his body as he unsuspectingly sat there.
His fellow crew members rushed him across the crossroads to
the IDF medic unit casualty station the doctor saw the long shard it had seared
and cauterized in David's chest. He called for evac to Rambam in Haifa the
special medic evac arrived.
David lingered on for another 24 hours or so...his mother
and sister were able to see him before he died....
We who live in Israel do so under the constant threat of death. We
hear our enemies call for our blood daily.
We do not linger on it we try to live
"normal" lives. We have wives, children and grandchildren.
JUST a couple of days ago we remembered WHY "WE"
need "OUR" small sliver of "God's green earth"... the Six Million.
We see how that ancient jealousy and hate emanates and
resounds throughout the world.
We see how it gained recognition in the US House of
Representatives.
Aryan White Racists and Moslem extremists have one thing in
common Jew hate.
Shimon bar Koseiba once showed us to survive we must be tougher
and stronger than the Romans.
So were our Partisans, so were our Palmach, so were our ETZEL
and Haganah.
In contrast and in our morality, "We" do not
glorify death, we do not celebrate with our enemy's blood, we do NOT relish
death, we do not hand out candy and sweets in the streets.
Our enemy is like Amalek of old and we could have like our
detractors claimed used the same genocidal methods against them but we have
been taught different morals that ALL lives are Gods and Gods alone to give and
take. Our motto as Israeli combat medics is, "to save lives."
Sometimes this duty is too extreme but this is the difference between us and
has always been.
So, we are regretfully forced to be...warriors on the
defense to protect our homes and our families. We Israelis love life and we
want and desire just one thing to live in peace in our land as a free people
like all others ...this is what our leaders say:
"We will not rest until we reach a permanent agreement
[with the Palestinians] that would secure a safe future for our children and
that would provide us with renewed hope to live in a region where people lead a
life of co-operation and not, God forbid, where blood is shed." — Yitzhak
Rabin
"We shall live at last as free men on our own soil, and
in our own homes peacefully die. The world will be liberated by our freedom,
enriched by our wealth, magnified by our greatness. And whatever we attempt
there for our own benefit will redound mightily and beneficially to the good of
all mankind.”— Theodor Herzl, father of modern Zionism, from his book Der
Judenstaat, (The Jewish State), published in 1896
I will ALWAYS remember....
